When I was in 6th Grade, My Grandmother died. Late one night, my mom received a phone call that she had fallen at home and was acting very strange and speaking incoherently. I remember driving those 20 minutes to the hospital with the biggest pit in the bottom of my stomach. One of my grandfather's passed away when I was 5 years old, but I didn't remember much of it-this was really my first close-hand experience with death. I understood what happened but not really why. I knew there was a lot of things going on with my mom and her sister's, my Grandpa....but I had no idea really.
Several years later I lost my Grandfather, her husband. I was a Freshman in college and was right in the middle of the entire thing. His loss was devastating to our family and I won't ever forget his passing. Still, I didn't really "get it".
Throughout the years working with families, I've experienced death in a multitude of ways. Often times, I had to try and work through grief with my young students in their own way. My first year teaching with Head Start, one of my 4 year olds' lost his Dad has to move in with his Grandmother who he barely knew. It was so odd to me how normal everything was for him. He didn't necessarily understand the finality of his father's death, rather he thought that he was just "gone for awhile". He began asking those terrifically difficult questions like, When will he be back? Why can't I go see him? When can I go to Heaven so I can talk to him? What's heaven like? This wouldn't be the last time I had this conversation.
6 years ago, I lost my Dad. My oldest daughter was 2 and I was 6 months pregnant with my son. I have never gone through something so difficult in my life. As hard as it has been for me without my dad, it has been even harder for my kids without their Grandpa. I talk to them often about him and how much he loves them and watches over them with Jesus, but then they ask me those same questions. How can a parent explain something to their child that they don't even understand? I remember working with that Grandmother in my class, who not only lost her son unexpectedly, but then turned into a new mom again-all in one moment. She was so sad, angry, scared, and nervous to be suddenly raising 2 young boys when she hadn't had a child at home in over 20 years. While I tried my best to offer support and local resources for them, it would never be enough.
People handle grief in so many different ways and children are no exception to that. Whether working through these hardships in a professional capacity or personal, one thing remains the same. We all need love, support and a little bit of grace to get through the tough times.
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